What’s Up? with Merlene

Oprah did it. Surely I can, too.
That was my thought when I finally joined the world of Twitter this week.
It wasn’t an unthinking proposition on my part to follow in her footsteps. Oprah does a lot of things I don’t, not the least of which is pay several thousand dollars for a purse.
But the young folk in the office have been keeping readers informed about details of trials and the like on Twitter for several months. I listened with an intent look on my face even though my brain had wandered off into the world of gardening long before they reached mid-explanation. Twitter was a universe I was too old to enter.
Then up pops Oprah on Twitter.
Last month Oprah Winfrey made a big deal of her first tweeting, as an entry is called. I missed the original program, but it was replayed on all the evening entertainment shows because anything Oprah sells.
Despite moving from one channel to another, there she was, smile on her face, the audience enthralled, actor Ashton Kutcher, Demi Moore’s young husband, on a big screen, and Twitter Chief Executive Evan William’s nearby just in case Oprah needed his help.
From what I read, Twitter users found the experience “enlightening” and an “excellent tool to building relationships through communication, either personally or professionally.”
One woman, blogger Kaitlyn Wilkins, said Twitter is “an essential customer service tool,” which can quickly build up or tear down the reputation of businesses. She wrote of one dissatisfied customer with hundreds of followers on Twitter who became a more powerful turnoff than 10 people picketing at the front door of a business.
Within a couple of hours, more than 4,000 people knew about the beef that customer had with the customer service department.
If the business had signed up for Twitter and used Twitter search, it could have discovered how dissatisfied some customers were and moved to correct the situation.
“For a company that is not ‘listening’ to social media, this tree just fell in the forest, and nobody heard it,” Wilkins wrote.
Laura Walker, a teacher in the United Kingdom, wrote that she uses Twitter to connect with other professionals who can help her. “I know that within seconds I can access a stream of links, ideas, opinion and resources from a hand-picked selection of global professionals,” she wrote.
Wow. If it is that powerful and informative, I needed to be on it.
With the expected euphoria just a user profile away, I opened a Twitter account.
It took about 10 minutes to come up with a user name that hadn’t already been claimed. That’s my fault, not Twitter’s. I wanted something cute and clever and young-sounding. Merlene Davis wouldn’t do.
Finally, Twitter accepted “reportmerle.” I know. But it was the best I could come up with.
Then I had to find folks to follow.
I was stumped.
Whose comings and goings, thoughts and dreams, did I want to be notified of throughout the day?
Oprah’s, of course. We could get to be bff.
I noticed, however, that Oprah had nearly 1.5 million followers, more than our president but fewer than Kutcher who has more than 2 million. I signed up for both of them anyway, and I also signed on to follow “mrskutcher.”
I don’t think she’s going to notice me much.
I also signed up to follow President Obama, the Lexington Herald-leader, the Associated Press, CNN and comedian Stephen Colbert. Life can’t be all work.
Unfortunately, Colbert hadn’t entered an update since early May. Maybe it was because he’s been overseas with the troops.
So I started following the Ellen Degeneres Show. At least she remembers to tweet.
I’m also following teen sensation Miley Cyrus. I don’t know why. But it was interesting to read this entry: “my tweets were just on headline news — people twitter is NOT news. I just wanna live and learn.”
Now, however, the thrill is dying.
I’ve posted twice and both times it was about my in ability to get into tweeting or about Twitter’s inability to get into me.
I’ve discovered that no one can find me on Twitter and that I can’t even find my boss who tweets regularly.
I’ve asked the younger folks to help and they are befuddled.
Herald-leader columnist noted on his Facebook page that Twitter users aren’t really all that happy with the social networking group.
Purewire, Inc., an Atlanta firm that sells ways to protect businesses on the Web, evaluated Twitter usage and discovered 40 percent of us who sign up don’t tweet. Some 80 percent of Twitter users have fewer than 10 followers because we’re just not that interesting. Purewire put it in a nicer way than that, but that’s what it boils down to.
I’ve already had a slew of complaints because I have not added to my Facebook page for months and haven’t accepted friends for much longer than that.
I don’t think it is polite to accept new friends when I know I’m not going to give them anything interesting to read.
That lack of interest on my part should have been my clue to forego my venture into Twitter.
Besides, being one of Oprah’s 1.5 million groupies isn’t as much fun as I thought it would be.